Social psychologist Sara Konrath, PhD, is convinced that our brains are built for empathy, and that’s why giving just feels good. Or most of the time anyway.

Konrath’s research on the relationship between happiness and giving–whether that’s donating money, volunteering your time, or just being there for someone in need–suggests some key principles that make the act of giving meaningful and are more likely to result in health benefits for the giver and the receiver. She spoke at the Harvard T. H. Chan School of Public Health this fall about her research on “sustainable” giving – that is, how to give without getting burned out from giving.

Konrath is the director of the Interdisciplinary Program for Empathy and Altruism Research at Indiana University’s Lilly Family School of Philanthropy and University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. She is also a long-time contributor to Harvard Graduate School of Education’s Center for Digital Thriving. We caught up with her as the season of giving was in full swing.

Your research shows that giving is (mostly) good for you? Is that a fair synopsis?

Yes, on average, studies find that when people give–in many different ways, whether it’s time, money, support, or just listening–it’s generally good for them. It makes people happier and healthier. They live longer. There are personal health benefits as well as economic benefits. Still, some ways to give are healthier than others.

“Studies find that when people give–in many different ways, whether it’s time, money, support, or just listening–it’s generally good for them. It makes people happier and healthier.”

Let’s talk about that, because recently, we had the season of giving in America, so we should all feel great, right? Yet it’s also a period when the “holiday blues” are rampant. Not everyone is feeling great. What’s the disconnect?

I think the disconnect is that it feels like we don’t have a choice. Giving feels like an obligation. Everyone’s doing it and everyone’s expecting it. Also, giving takes many forms, right? It’s not just giving gifts around various holidays, but it’s also the kind of work that comes from hosting, the invisible labor that goes into that. Women, I think, are really stressed out during the season. The cooking, the cleaning, buying the food, organizing, sending invitations and holiday cards – those are all forms of giving.

Another complication is that sometimes people give a great deal but they’re not receiving. They’re kind of in a mode where they feel the pressure to give, but it’s not mutual. It’s not reciprocal.

Those are two circumstances in the holiday season that can contribute to more stress from giving instead of the joyful aspects that we often experience from voluntary giving or giving in the context of a caring community that’s also taking care of our needs.

In the 2025 World Happiness Report, you and co-author Lara Aknin laid out “Three Cs” as keys to sustainable giving, the kind that benefits both the giver and the receiver. Walk us through those.

The first principle is [that giving occurs in the context of] a caring and positive community. A lot is baked into this. When you trust the people around you, you know that they take care of you too. You know that you don’t have to overextend because people are pitching in and giving together.

We think this relates to the motivations for giving. I have found in my research that when older adults volunteer for empathetic or altruistic reasons–because they care about the people in need–they are less likely to die a few years later. That shows you the power of being part of this caring community setting.

“When you’re giving with other people, it feels good; it feels better. You’re not alone. You know it’s not just you on a mission alone, but you’re part of a group that has similar values.”

Our new research finds that how empathy is practiced matters. Some types of empathy, such as compassion, are more focused on others’ needs, and these predict lower burnout in the giver. But when the lines between self and other become blurred, as with a type of empathy we call emotion contagion, we see higher rates of burnout.

Also, when you’re giving with other people, it feels good; it feels better. You’re not alone. You know it’s not just you on a mission alone, but you’re part of a group that has similar values. You’re working together toward a common goal. One large study found that volunteering with other people doubled the volunteers’ happiness compared to volunteering alone.

So, a caring community is principle No. 1 – finding your people, so to speak. What else matters?

The second principle is choice. In general, people don’t respond well when someone tells them what to do and makes decisions for them. It’s just part of human psychology that we like to have autonomy to make decisions for ourselves. That’s very real, and bigger than the joy of giving. When it comes to giving, it’s good to feel like you are doing something that really matters to you, that is coming from your own intrinsic interest and is not required.

The third is making a concrete positive impact. A body of research shows that we really care that our giving is making a difference. Imagine what it feels like when you give somebody a gift and you don’t get a reaction. That doesn’t feel good, right? But it feels great when you give a gift and their face lights up and they thank you. That’s because when we’re giving, we expect and hope for some sort of impact on the recipient.

“We can feel good from giving in general, but if we really want to feel more positive, noticing the impact of our giving is what really matters.”

Within nonprofit settings, if you know that the $20 you give is going to feed a family’s breakfast for a day, that’s something concrete. You know it’s going to help people in a specific way, and you can direct it to what you think is important and valuable. We can feel good from giving in general, but if we really want to feel more positive, noticing the impact of our giving is what really matters.

Okay, the three Cs – community, choice, and concrete impact. What other advice would you give to givers?

I sometimes think about giving as kind of like eating. It gives us energy that sustains us, something humans need to do to be healthy. But even if something is your favorite food, you probably don’t want to eat it three times a day for the rest of your life! Giving is like that. If we want to feel a little bit of that “helpers’ high” and keep that positive feeling going, it’s worth thinking of a variety of ways to give. Give to different people. Give in different ways. Change it up.

Just like eating, we need a variety of different healthy ways to express our giving. And, sometimes people cook for us, or sometimes we cook for others. Being a receiver is part of giving.

But not everyone is comfortable with being the recipient. What do you say to them?

I hear a lot of people talk about this. They love to give but are very uncomfortable when someone gives to them. If we always think that we must be the giver, there might be something going on that’s worth trying to understand about ourselves.

Consider that, if you love giving, then somebody has to receive. But what about allowing other people to experience the joy of giving? Someone has to be the recipient for them too. All of us experience times when we’re in need, when we can be the recipient and let someone else’s generosity brighten our day. And though sometimes we might feel guilty or like a burden, expressing gratitude can show the giver how much their gifts mean to you.

That shows the complicated nature of giving and receiving. Sometimes there’s a power imbalance. Even though the research generally shows positive outcomes of giving based in physiological effects that help calm our bodies, other dynamics can be at play. People can use giving as a way of controlling others. That’s giving with strings attached, even if you’re doing it in all the ways that maximize your own joy. I think that’s real and worth exploring. How do you give in a way that’s not just sustainable for you, but good for everybody, you and the recipient too?

To me, giving isn’t only about my joy. It’s also about your joy. It’s really about the recipient, and the relationship between us.